guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
