Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
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