I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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