I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
