He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
