I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
