In the future we'll all be gay
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
