I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
