Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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