This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
my poor anus
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
