i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
