Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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