Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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