Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize