yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
