I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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