did you get engaged???
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
