also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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