Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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