Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
