Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
did i walk over a car last night?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
