you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
