Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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