Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
