I think I won the penis lottery.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize