Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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