Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
