Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
