i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
