I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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