Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
