if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
