dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
