i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
