He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
