I forgot how hot balto sounded
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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