Jerry, you need to find god
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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