Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
