And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
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Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
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Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize