im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
