Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
