It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
