dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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