I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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