this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
