There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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