i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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