We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
