saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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