I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
