I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
