we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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