Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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