now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
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I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
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These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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