So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
