every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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