It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
