is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
