Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Someone signed my nipple.
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