We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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