Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
