i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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