Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
