this just has baby written all over it
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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