Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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