i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I am naked and annoyed.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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