peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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