Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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