The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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