I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
