Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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