so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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