PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it was like eating out sand paper
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
