I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
