my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
